07/08/2020, 19:50
Fandom: The 100
Summary: post-S04E04
Words: 961
“Then what would you have suggested? Should we have deserted them on the island of doom?” They were on the small boat, returning to their camp. Theirs. He didn’t know when it had started to feel like it was his again. Not his home. He still had trouble seeing Earth as his new home, and wondered if it would ever truly be. But he felt at home with these people. They weren’t the same as Emori. Emori was close to his heart, and she was a survivor, but there were ways in which she didn’t understand him. Ways in which Abby Griffin did, while she met his gaze from the other side of the deck.
“They are not our people, John.” Her hand was on his, and gave it a small squeeze.
Murphy wasn’t able to meet her gaze, because how could he tell her that even after all they had done, they were still his people. They shared a culture, they shared a history. How could they not be?
“How do you know if you can trust them now? You’ve trusted them before. You’ve trusted Bel–”
“You don’t understand,” he snapped. The words tasted harder in his mouth than they should, and he saw Abby raise an eyebrow. “It’s complicated.”
Emori raised his chin and made him meet her eyes. “Uncomplicate it, then.” Her gaze was calm, but there was something behind it that he just couldn’t grasp. Something he didn’t understand. There were differences he just couldn’t put his finger on. They were both outsiders, but that didn’t mean they had everything in common. And that’s how it should be, he was a fervent believer of that. It wasn’t healthy to be similar in every way, it wasn’t healthy to know everything about each other. And yet… He longed to know what was hiding behind those dark eyes, and he bet she would split his skull open to find out what was really buried underneath his own mop of hair.
“I can’t.” He blinked. “It doesn’t make sense to me either. I guess that – I guess that I’ve changed. They’ve changed.”
“You want to give them another chance?” It wasn’t anger, exactly. But it was something akin to it. It was as if she simply couldn’t believe that he would want to further associate with the people who had spurned him. As if she couldn’t understand that maybe, just maybe he’d let go of his ‘resent and remember’-attitude. And still, she looked as calm as she had before, and there was only a slight strain on her voice.
“They are giving me another chance.” It wasn’t an answer, but it was as close as he could get. “We can’t survive on our own.”
“I’m not sure if we can survive with these people, John. They take risks.”
“Isn’t that a part of surviving?”
Emori looked doubtful, and looked away from him.
Murphy settled on staring at the small waves again as if the answers were to be found on the bottom of the lake. Maybe they were. Who knew what was out there. There was so much about this planet that he didn’t understand, so much he still had to learn. He couldn’t do that on his own, and he couldn’t do it with just Emori, not even if he wanted to. Emori had the knowledge about this world, this society, but neither of them had the technological knowledge he feared they’d need to survive this. To survive a possible apocalypse.
“These people will always put themselves first, John. Not us.”
Not you, was what the pit screamed. Even if his people would save him, he doubted they would care as much about Emori when it came to it. He had heard about Mountain Weather, he had heard about Maya. For the good of the people. He could hear Clarke say it, and he feared it. It wasn’t that he didn’t realise that, it just wasn’t that he didn’t know what else to do. “I know. So would we, if it ever came to it.”
Emori looked at him, her eyes unreadable. “But you want to give them the benefit of the doubt. You think they might be better?”
He fought the instinct to shake his head. People don’t get that much better. “I hope they might be. They accepted Lincoln as one of their own, maybe, with time…”
“Time we don’t have.”
“They’re not heartless, Emori. They like you.”
“They shouldn’t. They don’t know me.”
“We’ll be all right.” He took her deformed hand, and realised how corny his own words sounded. He seriously doubted their truth.
“It’s not a survivor’s move.”
He brushed some of her hair behind her ear, and moved a little closer to her.
She brushed his lips against his. “I trust you, John. If you think we should stay with them, we will. But if you ever change your mind –”
“You’ll be the first to know.” He smirked.
She stole another kiss from him, and let him to stare at the blue while she joined Raven in the cabin. Murphy closed his eyes. He didn’t know what he would choose. Who he would choose. He hoped to whatever gods may be out there that he would never have to.
Summary: post-S04E04
Words: 961
Survivor's Move
“This is not surviving, John.” Her eyes were accusing, and he couldn’t help but feel the pit of guilt in his stomach. All those years he had trained himself not to feel guilty about anything he did, not to feel guilty because it wouldn’t matter. Remorse was not a survivor’s move. But now he looked into her hazel eyes, he knew that surviving wasn’t the only thing that mattered anymore. And even if it was, he wasn’t doing it alone.“Then what would you have suggested? Should we have deserted them on the island of doom?” They were on the small boat, returning to their camp. Theirs. He didn’t know when it had started to feel like it was his again. Not his home. He still had trouble seeing Earth as his new home, and wondered if it would ever truly be. But he felt at home with these people. They weren’t the same as Emori. Emori was close to his heart, and she was a survivor, but there were ways in which she didn’t understand him. Ways in which Abby Griffin did, while she met his gaze from the other side of the deck.
“They are not our people, John.” Her hand was on his, and gave it a small squeeze.
Murphy wasn’t able to meet her gaze, because how could he tell her that even after all they had done, they were still his people. They shared a culture, they shared a history. How could they not be?
“How do you know if you can trust them now? You’ve trusted them before. You’ve trusted Bel–”
“You don’t understand,” he snapped. The words tasted harder in his mouth than they should, and he saw Abby raise an eyebrow. “It’s complicated.”
Emori raised his chin and made him meet her eyes. “Uncomplicate it, then.” Her gaze was calm, but there was something behind it that he just couldn’t grasp. Something he didn’t understand. There were differences he just couldn’t put his finger on. They were both outsiders, but that didn’t mean they had everything in common. And that’s how it should be, he was a fervent believer of that. It wasn’t healthy to be similar in every way, it wasn’t healthy to know everything about each other. And yet… He longed to know what was hiding behind those dark eyes, and he bet she would split his skull open to find out what was really buried underneath his own mop of hair.
“I can’t.” He blinked. “It doesn’t make sense to me either. I guess that – I guess that I’ve changed. They’ve changed.”
“You want to give them another chance?” It wasn’t anger, exactly. But it was something akin to it. It was as if she simply couldn’t believe that he would want to further associate with the people who had spurned him. As if she couldn’t understand that maybe, just maybe he’d let go of his ‘resent and remember’-attitude. And still, she looked as calm as she had before, and there was only a slight strain on her voice.
“They are giving me another chance.” It wasn’t an answer, but it was as close as he could get. “We can’t survive on our own.”
“I’m not sure if we can survive with these people, John. They take risks.”
“Isn’t that a part of surviving?”
Emori looked doubtful, and looked away from him.
Murphy settled on staring at the small waves again as if the answers were to be found on the bottom of the lake. Maybe they were. Who knew what was out there. There was so much about this planet that he didn’t understand, so much he still had to learn. He couldn’t do that on his own, and he couldn’t do it with just Emori, not even if he wanted to. Emori had the knowledge about this world, this society, but neither of them had the technological knowledge he feared they’d need to survive this. To survive a possible apocalypse.
“These people will always put themselves first, John. Not us.”
Not you, was what the pit screamed. Even if his people would save him, he doubted they would care as much about Emori when it came to it. He had heard about Mountain Weather, he had heard about Maya. For the good of the people. He could hear Clarke say it, and he feared it. It wasn’t that he didn’t realise that, it just wasn’t that he didn’t know what else to do. “I know. So would we, if it ever came to it.”
Emori looked at him, her eyes unreadable. “But you want to give them the benefit of the doubt. You think they might be better?”
He fought the instinct to shake his head. People don’t get that much better. “I hope they might be. They accepted Lincoln as one of their own, maybe, with time…”
“Time we don’t have.”
“They’re not heartless, Emori. They like you.”
“They shouldn’t. They don’t know me.”
“We’ll be all right.” He took her deformed hand, and realised how corny his own words sounded. He seriously doubted their truth.
“It’s not a survivor’s move.”
He brushed some of her hair behind her ear, and moved a little closer to her.
She brushed his lips against his. “I trust you, John. If you think we should stay with them, we will. But if you ever change your mind –”
“You’ll be the first to know.” He smirked.
She stole another kiss from him, and let him to stare at the blue while she joined Raven in the cabin. Murphy closed his eyes. He didn’t know what he would choose. Who he would choose. He hoped to whatever gods may be out there that he would never have to.
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